Reflections on Marriage, Part 3: Reflections (Part 21)

Categories: Léo’s Insights 2022-2023, Reflections

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Now that honest communication has been established as foundational, let us move onto some of those rules WE agreed to before committing ourselves eternally to each other.

WE reasoned that if there were rules for real wars (such as the Geneva Convention) WE should have rules for engagement also.  WE promised never to fight over three things and WE never have.  WE have never battled over MONEY, CHILDREN or EXTENDED FAMILY.

Money fights are rarely resolved so why start?  Besides, what is money anyways?  If WE had money issues and WE most certainly did have them, WE found new ways to create it.  Since WE had determined before starting that this was forbidden territory, money had no power over us, although WE did discover it is better to have it than not!  WE started by combining all our resources and WE have operated consistently with joint accounts.  I don’t have any money and neither does Faye, but WE do.

Children need consistency.  When WE found ourselves on different sides of an issue regarding children, WE dismissed ourselves to privacy where WE could come to agreement.  This way the children could not divide us on an issue.  Again, even though I can claim WE never had a fight over the children, there were times when WE did make mistakes.  When WE did, we admitted our error and apologized to our children for our behaviour.

Extended family is just not worth the effort required to essentially not change anything.  Every family is dysfunctional, including our own, so why waste time arguing over people who are not likely to care in the first place?

There were a few more things WE agreed to, like never going to bed angry at each other.  WE never did, but there were occasions when WE picked up in the morning from where we left off the night before.  WE also agreed to avoid idle or any other threats and to make every effort to be kind and thoughtful.  Physical violence was absolutely forbidden and never occurred.

The Lesson
Sincerely agreeing to adult rules for dealing with adult issues in adult ways is a very good basis on which to conduct a life-long relationship. However, even when doing so, you should still leave room for imperfections.

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